Episode 1: A Double Agent is Born

Writers note: As a Baby Boomer, I grew up in a world I am glad no longer exists. Many of my contemporaries would aggressively disagree. To them it truly was “the Glory Days.” Rules were simpler, life was simpler and they were younger. In our middle age, their bodies have aged with many aches, pains and limitations. Additionally, their tolerance for change has been extremely reduced.

Discovering that I am transgender at 62 years of age set off a massive reevaluation of every aspect of who I am. I have written extensively about…


Denial, a river that flows through many families

When the Nile floods, you can’t hear each other on opposite banks.

As I have gotten older, I have noticed many of my friends and family have become glued to their perception of reality. As they age, like their bodies, they become less and less adaptable. They are tired of change. In fact, they hate it. The phrase I heard as a child from my grandparents, later from my parents and now from my contemporaries: “It’s not the way it used to be.”

Nor should it be.

Change in our society is constant. Uber has changed our need to drive ourselves, electricity is now powering our cars and soon cars will do…


Chapter 10: Other journeys begin

Bubbles are a rainbow in motion.

As we continued to walk the Path of Gender Enlightenment, we noticed the Path start to narrow and the fields around us fill with flowers of all different colors. Suddenly, the Path ended in a swirl of rainbow colors as it turned into itself in — much like it had spiraled out at the beginning of my journey. We could see the swirl was joined by a multitude of other paths from all different directions.

Andi was right from the beginning; it made no difference what path you took, you would wind up in the same place.

We smiled at…


Some people miss the good old days

Some people miss the good old days.

I ran across an article the other day in the NY Times Op Ed Section called: Transgender Childhood Is Not a ‘Trend’* that offered an interesting perspective on being transgender. Until now I have read numerous stories about the adults in history who were transgender. The stories were a way to point out that being transgender is not new and has been with humanity all along.

In Histories of the Transgender Child, University of Pittsburgh professor Jules Gill-Peterson writes about transgender children as they appeared in history. She demonstrates her premise that throughout history transgender children have transitioned. The only…


Gender enlightenment, mean monkeys, and cute puppies

You can’t let ignorance win, ever. Photo by Len “Doc” Radin. (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)

It was another beautiful day in the Land of Id as we continued our journey. (You know I am setting you up again, right?)

The Path of Gender Enlightenment continued to run straight and true. I started my day on the green tea that Basil, or was it Bella, gave me, and I felt great. We all were in excellent moods. As we walked, rolling hills loomed and brilliant green grass undulated in a gentle breeze.

The attack was sudden.

Flying monkeys swooped down and threw pinecones at us then swooped away to start another attack. …


What am I doing on this line anyway?

I thought I was on the Starbuck’s line. Image is a still from the Fist of Satan podcast.

I was raised Catholic. I had 12 years of Catholic education starting in 1960. During that time the Mass went from Latin to the language spoken locally as it tried to be more meaningful to its population. Much has happened since then but unfortunately strict adherence to a classically conservative and bigoted interpretation of the Bible has left many Catholic churches empty on Sunday. This has been going on for years.

The Vatican announced last month that it bars blessing gay marriage, saying God ‘can’t bless sin.’


Why Would Anyone WANT to Be Transgender?

Why would a guy ever want to be a woman? I mean seriously? Why would he? The advantages of being a guy so outweigh being a woman on so many levels. I mean think about it. Go ahead.

I thought about it today.

I Googled “List of male privileges,” and this is what I came up with.

In 1990, Wellesley College professor Peggy McIntosh wrote an essay called “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack.” She listed 45 examples of male privilege. Not to be outdone, Project Humanities at Arizona State compiled its own list of 100 male privileges.

That’s a…


True charm and a warm heart has no barriers.

Sitting on the precipice of physically transitioning and permanently changing my life at 65 is brutal. Simply considering transitioning at 65 years of age is cluttered with so many rational reasons not to.

Here are just a few:

-Jeopardizing life-relationships and the life I built over a life time

-My body is built male at 6 foot and 210 pounds. Passing will be a struggle. I need to grow a hard outer skin against the inevitable micro-aggression and macro-aggressions.

-The process of physically transitioning requires years of pain, money, re-socialization and a whole new wardrobe. …


Finding your truth can help cleanse your heart.

Today is Transgender Visibility Day. I wasn’t sure how to celebrate it but I thought that this is something I needed to do for me and I need to do it publicly.

So here is my confession.

I am transphobic.

If you accept the definition of transphobic as having or showing a dislike of or prejudice against transsexual or transgender people, then I am absolutely transphobic.

And I am not proud of that.

Now what makes this so humorous is that I am transgender.

Pretty funny huh?

So how do I put this all together to make this confession make…


Chapter 8: A lion and a thorn

Sam, a person of calm strength and clear direction.

We had a very casual start to the day. Basil was an excellent host and made sure that we had plenty of his special green tea. I wouldn’t be hungry for days, and he insisted on properly disposeing of the remaining bitter apples, treating them like nuclear waste.

“I want to make sure that none of these seeds ever grows into one of the malignant trees you described.” I happily complied.

As we crossed the bridge back to the Path of Gender Enlightenment, I blew a huge string of celebratory bubbles to salute our wonderful host, or was it hostess…

Emma Holiday

After decades of denial I finally answered the question “What’s wrong with me?” The answer is “Nothing”. I am transgender and I am OK.

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