Member-only story
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is so hard. This really sucks. How can I do this??????????????????? There has to be another way ……………………………………… aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A little graphically dramatic but definitely how I feel right now.
I feel my gender and my birth sex slapping my face back and forth in a cruel game of emotional ping pong. Admittedly I have, even lightly, banged the my head against the wall, both front and back. It sounds so totally ridiculous, absolutely juvenile and probably boringly repetitious to anyone who reads my work here.
I can’t imagine living life and not transitioning but I can’t imagine having the final conversations that will essentially cause loved ones incredible pain in order for me to live.
Yes I know I have a right to be selfish. I know I am entitled but I am the person who has to look the one I love most in the eyes and watch a heart get crushed. I find it almost impossible to do….
SLAP!!! one way
…and almost impossible to not do…
SLAP!!! the other way
I am sharing this here because I know that I am writing what so many others have, are or will deal with. It is as emotionally cruel as it sounds.
