Congratulations Sam! You have made a huge first step. When I started, the fears crippled me. Taking control of any of them is a tremendous first step.

It sounds like you will be taking many new steps on your journey, and many of them will be fun.

You didn't say whether your spouse is supportive or not, but I strongly suggest seeing a gender therapist who understands and is supportive. It makes a big difference to be able to verbalize all of the massive thoughts raging through your head 24/7. Your wife could benefit from seeing someone as well. She also has a lot to process.

I watched many supportive YouTube videos that helped. I really liked Dr. Z, a clinical therapist specializing in transgenderism. She has a Russian accent but she helped me as well.

When I started really shopping as ME, not the "creepy guy" that I thought I projected, I kept photos of myself in makeup and eventually clothes. It really helps. The photos act as a kind of female membership card.

For example, when a saleswoman approaches you at a makeup counter, they assume you are shopping for your wife. Straight off tell them that you are transgender and then tell them this is the look you are working with. Then show them the photo of you in makeup. (Yours is very pretty by the way!)

It magically changes her attitude. She suddenly sees you, not a man standing in front of her. Ask for her advice and help. It brings me joy every time I do it but be warned, it is pleasantly addictive. I realized I was like a 14-year-old girl let loose with a credit card.

It is a scary and exciting time. At our age, it is so much fun to finally be able to enjoy our gender!

I hope that you find the joy that you deserve.

Warmly,

Emma