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Gender Impostor
I am over 18 months into hormone therapy (HRT) on the cusp of the most profound decision of my life: Do I physically transition and finally live the rest of my life as a woman I have been denying all my life or live with the extraordinary pain of gender dysphoria every day for the rest of my life being someone else to please the world?
I have desperately battled over this decision for the last three years since gender dysphoria exploded into my life. It accompanied, for the first time of my life, thoughts of suicide. It has been a desperately emotional battle and I have come to understand that gender dysphoria was only an important warning sign of a medical condition that I have spent a lifetime denying, I was transgender.
So my struggle continues.
After years of therapy, deep research and scathing self-analysis, I still find it hard to believe that I am truly am transgender. Yet, irrefutably, I am. I am constantly challenged, emotionally, to simply accept the facts.
I keep asking why I continue to battle my reality. It is crucial that I know the answer because the next, very public step, affects every aspect of my life.
If I physically transition, I must come out publicly.
I found a You Tube presentation the seemed to resonate with me. It discussed something called the Impostor syndrome…
