Kitty I totally get what you are saying. I told my wife that if we divorced we would both still have to deal with the friends and family BS but if we stay together we could do it together and I can still make her laugh. I am still not fully out but we are still together.

You might enjoy what I wrote about the cis wife/lesbian argument: https://medium.com/prismnpen/transgender-lesbian-legal-logic-9657f8715d2